X-Factor I salute you

[werdna]

I have important news for music lovers on this forum. Maestros and artists, stop whatever it is that you’re doing! Put down your guitar, put away your Steve Vai tab, cease making notes in the margin of the Bach concerto. Let a hush fall among us for the musical event of the year has arrived: the X-Factor is playing its second series on TV3, and I for one couldn’t be more excited.

Yes, there are those who dismiss the X-Factor as a showcase for narcissistic extroverts of no musical talent who crave attention, those same uncharitable wiseacres who mime themselves retching when yet another aspiring soul singer steps up and cheerfully mangles a popular song. The same naysayers say that the judges are B-list celebrities so desperate for cash and public attention that they would wear a Nazi uniform while having sex with a goat in exchange for a cheque and tv coverage. In particular, there are some negative minded souls who say that Willy Moon is a pompous, vaccuus twat with a plastic cowling for hair and the same limited range of facial expressions as a stroke victim. In answer, I can only direct them to tonight's episode, in which a number of eager contestants proved that for a true artist singing in key is an artificial constraint to be transcended by singing random notes in random order, like an aural Jackson Pollock painting. And in the face of such an artistic masterclass, the judges were not to be outdone. Challenged by a booing audience, Natalia Kills gave her Solomon like judgment: "Quiet alright? If you let me finish it might be a yes but if you carry on like that it'll be no." To those who say that Natalia and Willy are overgroomed showponies with limited or no musical comprehension, an absence of analytical skills, and the articulacy of an Aussie rules player at the end of a concussion plagued career, I respond that you clearly failed to detect the influence of the late music critic Bernard Levin when Willy Moon, his face resolute and immoveable like an Easter Island statue, offered a grateful contestant the following insight: "I didn't like it. It was quite buskery." I know, I know; Willy had already set the bar very high indeed during his singing career. I recall in fondness Willy Moon's video "Yeh, yeh", a stunning arrangement in which he stands on a platform surrounded by dancers and agitates one of his legs while holding the opposite arm above his head, as if simultaneously changing a lightbulb while shaking out something stuck up his bum. What more could a viewer ask for than that.

To TV3 I say thank you for fighting to keep standards high.

[Molly]

I don't watch any of that stuff but did notice on that endlessly repeating trailer that I'd no idea who the judges were. Well, there was the once-tidy one from All Saints (that yardstick by which all other bands are measured) but nobody else. Shite I say, sir! Maybe the guy in that poor-man's Malmsteen video that was posted yesterday could go on and widdle a bit. Wonder what their reaction would be.

[Slowy]

Meh. Family Guy's on.

[Vince]

Why do you do that shit to yourself? Watch something else, man.

[jeremyb]

Why do you do that shit to yourself? Watch something else, man.

^this! Theres so much better quality content available online!!

[Rog]

Riffles!! Thanks, werdna - the essential playful spirit of B45-12 lives on in your words. Funny!

[Danger Mouse]

Excellent post, if somewhat lacking in paragraphs...

[AiRdAd]

You write so well.! Very funny!

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Riffles!! Thanks, werdna - the essential playful spirit of B45-12 lives on in your words. Funny!

Without the madness...

[Jim.h]

Too many words.

[Olderama]

One word

SHIT

I thank you

[willow13]

Riffles!! Thanks, werdna - the essential playful spirit of B45-12 lives on in your words. Funny!

Without the madness...

give him time ... tinfoil might not have arrived yet

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exackery

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the fact they put the guy through who did the incredibly shit queen cover killed it for me, metaphorically, unlike the guy last night who did actually kill someone, so there you go. Should get the ratings up. No publicity is bad publicity etc.